It's FRIDAY!! For some people, it'ts FREEDOM. Last day of the work week. Party!! Payday!! For others, it's THANK GOD because I am tired and the week is over! Let's order take out, rent a movie and pass out! I sent a friend of mine a snap chat recently that it was about to be Friday, they didn't seem to excited! What do the weekends mean for you? Dread it, embrace it, or is it just another day? Normally, Fridays are our REST day because we are all just so done with the week, school, dance, workouts, homework, play dates, capo, etc... BUT this Friday is the LAST DAY of school!!! I am more excited then my girls. They don't want it to be the last day of school, OMG are you KIDDING me?!?! What's wrong with you! As a mom and basically a single mom, that means DANCE is almost DONE! NO more agenda to sign EVERY night! NO more PAPERS to put in recycle bin! NO MORE fighting about putting socks on with tennis shoes (and OMG if you smelled my kids shoes you would BARF!!)! NO more tennis shoes, PRAISE THE LORD!! NO MORE UNIFORMS TO WASH and WEAR!!!! I get to see my beautiful girls in their own style of clothing and not looking like business women!!! (as you can see I am a bit excited about all this!) Also, my check book gets a BREAK! (can I get an AMEN from other mamas out there?!)
So now that school is about to be out our weekends and weekdays will be filled with pool play dates, beaches, Legoland, vacations, and much more. All those things are fun things but can be a nightmare for those training for certain events or trying to stay healthy. LOTS of planning comes in place and of course staying on course. Which is where I fail, the weekends. The last few weekends, I have been good. Skipping eating out (as being the only person who's cooking in the house for us I tend to use the weekend to take off and eat out. No more!), skipping Frozen Yogurt Treats (I have no self control around sugar especially when there is mountains of it!), skipping the wine (not easy when you have a preteen in the house) and been planning out my meals and workouts around our busy weekend schedule. I have found if I plan out my schedule for the week (and weekend) I do better. I am a checklist person. I plan all my meals based on my workouts, play dates, and gatherings. If that means bringing my own food to a party, I do it. Get over what people will say ;) It may seem like a pain but it does get easier as time goes on. I involve the kids too. Don't make it more work then it needs to be. Chicken, apples, veggies and water go a long way. With it being the last day of school, the kids are expecting Frozen Yogurt. Sorry kids, we are hitting the beach instead with a friends. We will play, eat dinner, watch the sunset and laugh! What will you be doing this weekend to stay on track but yet still having fun??
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Sounds. They are all over the place. People. They are making noises all the time. With their mouth. Their feet. Hands. Cars. They roar. Birds. They sing. Stars. They shine bright. Street signs. They give off directions. Objects. Imagines for you to see. You hear them. I don't. You see them. I don't. You take things for granted. I cherish. You enjoy. I get angry. Food. To me, it fills the empty feeling. Feed the anger. Create comfort. Gives me something I can taste, feel, see, and create. Fitness. To me, my escape. Feeds me. Pushes me. Challenges me. Comforts me. Being hard of hearing, sucks. Hearing aids, great tools. But still suck. Big. Ugly. Expensive. Pain to care for. However, creates sounds (even if it's not every sound to be heard). Lets me communicate with my mouth and not with my hands. Lets me be part of today's society. Lets me hear music. Hear my kids. Hear my friends and family. Hear laughter. Hear cries. Having Ushers, sucks. No glasses can fix it. You trip. You fall. You bump. You look drunk. You get frustrated. You get sad. You get piss. You hurt. To have both, you feel as if you been robbed. You wish. You hope. You pray. You cry. You scream. You hit. You run. You smile. You encourage. You push forward. You become strong. You fight. You laugh. You motivate. You dream. You cherish. You forgive easier. You embrace. You laugh more. You cry more. You see beauty in everything, always. You. Just. Be. You. Another day of sitting here drinking my morning Cinnamon Tea, eating my oats with fruit and taking my supplements, for what? Today I am annoyed. I have been working so hard and not seeing any changes. The scale, just plain sucks. I need to really listen to my own advice and stay away from it. The measuring tape, sucks too!
Before sitting down to type this, I have prep for my day. *Gallon of water, ready to be drank. *Snacks in fridge, ready for me to consume. *Lunch in fridge, ready for me to eat. *Workout clothes are on, ready for me to get out the door for my cardio workout planned. *Supplements, ready to be taken at noon and again at night. No reason to fail today's plan since it's all mapped out. I do this day in and day out. What the point of doing all this, when you feel the way you feel today?!?! Really, deep down I know something is working because I am getting stronger and seeing muscles. It's a process and takes time they say. I don't do well with "takes time". I want it NOW! I feel like the girl in Willy Wonka, stomping my feet on the ground, I WANT IT ALL NOW! ;) Struggles are real! They hinder the process if you let it. This is where the mindset and having a great support system comes in place! However, majority of my support system is off in the Virtual World ;) And I have removed myself from that world! GASP!! Yup, I deleted my FB account for a while. I needed to step away from it and focus on what's more important. I won't lie, I miss being encourage and encouraging others. I miss seeing what's happening out in the world. However, I don't miss it that much. It's been nice to not compare myself to this person or that person. It's nice not seeing negative news. It's nice to spend time with my kids, getting to know them on a different level. Not comparing myself to other moms. Just enjoying being me! But what do you do when you don't have that support that you are used to?!?!? *Write. Lots of writing been done lately. Every frustration, every celebration, every wish, everything... some will be shared on here. get as deep as you can get. *Text or call friends. They been awesome with cheering me on. In fact, some friendships have gotten stronger because of this. New ones have been made and old ones have been sent off. *RUN. I pound out my thoughts as my feet pound on the pavement. *Reading! I have read 3 books in the last 3 weeks. My heart is happy. I miss reading. *Personal Development, LOTS of it! Right now I am reading an amazing book and just started it last night and can tell it's going to CHANGE a lot of my Struggles. (BE REAL Because Fake is Exhausting by Rick Bezet) *Music. Gets me moving. *My kids. They keep me busy. You can borrow them any time, they will make you realize your struggles are nothing LOL Before I hit the gym, I get to watch my daughter show me her dance show and her workout she's been working on. She's 4. She makes my struggles easier and worth every minute. I know because of my struggles, she (and the other 2) will be stronger, wiser, and amazing women. Tea is gone, oats have been consume, and my supplements are doing their magic. The easy part is done, now to lace up and go shine ;) Lately, there is so much I want to write and say. This topic keep showing up in my conversations, in my journal, music I listen to and really just anything I hear lately. Since December, I have been feeling off. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know what was wrong. All I knew was something was off. Why should it be. Husband and I are both working, we live in one of the nicest neighborhood, our kids attend an amazing school, we have an awesome church, we are with family, have amazing friends, living in sunshine and warm weather, and moving forward. It wasn't like I was searching for more or wanting more. We had a nice time with husband home since it was the first time he was home since September. We all were a little under the weather but we had fun non-less. Then the day came for him to leave. The whole week before is when I was feeling off. Something was wrong. Something bad was going to happen. I cried a lot (more then I normally cry LOL). He kept reassuring me, we got this. We have been down this road before and 6-9 weeks will pass quickly. He left, I went back to being that single parent, and life went on. Only, that feeling was still there. As days went by, I started to get back on track with my fitness and eating. Hoping it would push aside whatever it was I was feeling. Nights, are the hardest so that's when I work out to pass those lonely hours. I was feeling better about myself again, however that feeling still lurking. The kids...we take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back. We shuffle between school, dance, soccer, and everyday life. However, they stop listening to me (more then normal). Or did I stop listening to them? Work became stressful for me. Husband is struggling being away from us. Our communication is off. Our family is off. Days turned into months. Those months turned into that darn feeling lurking around and getting worst. So what do I do? I book a weekend away. To Walla Walla, WA. 2500+miles away. Alone. Why? So many people kept asking. Why, because I needed to escape. I needed to see my girlfriends, I needed to be far away from my life as possible. I needed to think. I needed answers. I got my answers. I still feel like the biggest failure. I feel like I quit. I feel regret. I feel lost. I feel broken. See, we moved from WA to FL in hopes to open up our own Nutrition Club and be with family. My dreams didn't turn out as planned. Was it because I quit or did I fail? What's the difference? Nobody has told me I am either of these things, failure or quitter. In fact, I always hear the opposite. Deep down, I know we made the wrong choice but also made a choice based on a calling. You can't ignore a calling from God! It may open doors or close doors. For me, it open doors but now I feel it times to close those doors and open up new ones. A friend once said to me, "Maybe you came to FL did what you needed to there and now it's time for you to come back and do greater things here." Moving here as taught me that I have grown my own wings and don't need my parents anymore. Moving here as changed my relationship with Christ. Moving here taught me about friendships. Taught me about marriage. Taught me about failing. Taught me about motherhood. Taught me what I really want in life and not what I think I need. Taught me about leadership. Taught me I can do things on my own. Taught me about confidence. Taught me about falling down and getting back up. Taught me how to be humble, thankful, grateful and bless! Going back to Walla Walla, the moment I stepped off the plane in Pasco, I looked up and heard that voice, "This is home." I have been denying that FL wasn't home to us. I thought because my family is here, it was home. Like my mom said, home is where your heart is. My heart is in WA. I've faced my failures. I have come clean with them. I know what choices we made are done and over with. I know that life isn't and we can create new goals. That's the beautiful thing about life, you can fall down over and over but you also get back up and do it better! Hebrews 6:9-19 I have a secret....
I am not perfect. My life is not perfect. My family is not perfect. My marriage is not perfect. My religion is not perfect. My house is not perfect. My diet is not perfect. I am FAR from perfect. I often hear from people. I wish I was more like you. If.they.only.knew. They tell me you are such an awesome mom. Again, if they only knew. I get told over and over again, I wish I had a marriage like your and your spouse. Again... Truth to be told, I struggle daily. I have struggled more in the last year. Not because of choices we have made but because I am changing. Life is changing. I yell at my kids more then I should. I don't get down and play like I used to. I don't crafts. I don't bake. I don't snuggle as much as I should with the older 2. I don't paint nails. I am not love mushy gushy on them like when they were babies. I do however, install tough love. I play taxi 7 days a week for them. I take them for Frozen Yogurt. I take them to the Beach. We spend time at Lego Land. I swim with them. I read with them. We dance together. We cry, pray, fight and hug it out. But we are not perfect. My marriage is not perfect. The last 6 years have been tough on our marriage. Losing jobs. Gaining new jobs. Moving from our home town to a whole new town. Moving again. New baby. Losing our home. Poor money managing. Fights. Poor communication. Disagreement about the kids. However, we laugh a lot. We go on dates. We go to church together. We raise our girls together. We cry, fight and figure it out as we go. However, we are not perfect. I am not perfect. I am hard on myself. I worry more then I should. I doubt myself. I fake happiness. I cry. I am addicted to sugar. I lie. I am a people pleaser. I have failed at MANY things. I don't manage money well. I can be difficult to be around. I don't complete what I start. I swear. I judge. I cheat. However, I am a lover. I strive for happiness. I make changes. I push. I shove. I am a true friend. I can keep secrets. I love my family. I love my friends. I would give my shirt off my back if asked. I love to encourage. I am a learner. I am honest when needed. I am fun. I love to laugh. But no where near perfect... Nobody is perfect. No Marriage is perfect. No Friendship is perfect. No Body is perfect. No Kid is perfect. No Home is perfect. No Family is perfect. No Church is perfect. That's what makes us perfect <3 Confident. do you have it? I hear from so many people that I do. I carry it well. If they only knew! When I walk into a room full of people, I am freaking out inside. What if I don't know anyone? What if my outfit looks to dress under or what if I am over dress? What if I bump into someone and they get mad? What if I can't hear? What if people think I am drunk because I can't see or hear? What if they can't understand me because some will say I have a lisp and talk funny? Does my hair look ok? My teeth, white enough? When taking pictures, make sure you get from waist up. God forbid if someone sees my Thighs and my Butt! All those years of dancing made my Thighs look like they need their own house! All those years eating sugar, has taken a toll on my booty! Make sure I am turned to the side so you can't get my hour glass figure. My arms, don't start me there. Confident. I would say it's not something I have. Eating Disorder - been there Diet Pills - did those Surgery - done Braces - had Tan - check All those things didn't bring CONFIDENT. It just gave me more to stress about. Posting these picture... FREAKING ME OUT! ONLY because I know what my flaws are but I also know others won't see them. I also know posting these pictures show you ladies out there, you are never going to look like me and I won't ever look like you. Also Ladies, we ALL have areas we love and hate. I love my eyes and lips. I hate my thighs and butt. Most will say they hate their belly, especially if they are a mom. Lately, (maybe because I am getting older) I am embracing the body I have. I have given birth to 3 amazing girls. I used to weight 276 pounds. I have had my jaw broken twice (not fun. trust me) I have had lumps removed from me. I did the awkward teen years (trust me VERY awkward!) I have scars, I have stretch marks, I have fat, I have flab, and I have dimples in my legs. However, my body looks better now then it did all those years back. Confident is growing on me. :0 Why? How? What's the secret? *Pretty amazing family/friends who are my support system. Being around those who accept you for you. I have had a couple of friends who have helped me come out of my shell and have some fun with myself. Dared me to step outside the box! *Working out with my Beachbody Videos, going to the gym, working with a trianer and being around those who want to better themselves, another great confident boost. *Telling myself 3 things I like about myself each day instead of 10 things I dislike about myself for that day. Being positive. *Healthy eating. When you put good fuel in you, you are ready to take on the world. *Reading my bible. God gave me this body for a reason. Up to me to follow thru with his plans. *My girls. If I am telling them to have CONFIDENT and SELF ESTEEM and I don't, how are they to follow then lead themselves. My oldest told me something a few weeks ago that woke me up! She's watching. It's my job as a mom to teach her to love herself not hate. Does it mean that I don't still freak out?!?! Like posting these pictures or walking into a room. No I still have my moments but they are getting less and less. I am who I am. I look the way I look. I am learning to have fun with my ever changing body. I am embracing it all and personally I think I look better now then I did then. Why, because CONFIDENT is a beautiful thing. 12 weeks of running kids here and there. 12 weeks of getting us 4 girls out the door in time in the am (with 1 bathroom may I add!). 12 weeks of working 2, 3 or maybe 4 jobs. 12 weeks of needing to play the role of Mom and Dad. 12 weeks of us having 2 income at 1 time. 12 weeks of activities, holidays, family time, church, small groups, and beaches! Can't forget 12 weeks of unhappy kids, happy kids, stubborn kids, grateful kids, and of course kids that want to drive me batty!
Those last 12 weeks left me feeling tired, overwhelm, lazy and joyful! I am not going to lie, we ate out... A LOT! However, we did do A LOT of crock-pot meals. Eating out gave me JOY because this past few years have been rough on our family (because of choices we've made!) however it also left me feeling guilty! Not only did we eat out a lot but I skipped the gym A LOT!!! Also my personal training sessions. I forgot how hard it is to make time for yourself when you start working again. It's not just about me not having my husband around because each thing I attend has child care. There is no excuse not to go. But I did need my sleep more then working out on the weekends (right??!?). Also, I have to get kids to dance 2 days a week and working part time job in evening 2-3 days a week. So how was I to find time to work on myself? I can't leave them in the AM alone to go down to the gym and can't do the same at night after bedtime. Sure I have my DVD for my 21 Day Fix, but face it after getting my 3rd child down to bed (she has a bad bed time routine!) I was more likely to pass out with her or crash on the couch with chocolate and wine ;) Did I stop eating healthy, no. Well not completely. Did I have eat unhealthy, sure did! I have a sugar addiction (whole different blog!) and I am an emotional eater. I do great at work. Fail when I get home. I just didn't want to cook and listen to my kids fighting. I didn't want to spend time cooking/cleaning when I could be snuggling. Then add in the waiting time we had after school and in between our activities. I should had went to the gym but the kids you know are STARVING. So Starbucks, Gigi Cupcakes or Target it was! Could I had made better choices, OF COURSE! Do I feel guilty, OF COURSE! Now I remember how I got FAT (or overweight, you pick the term) when I was a full time working mom! Now I know how some other working parents feel out there. However, it's all excuses. There is NO reason why I should had gained 10-12 pounds these 12 weeks! Some of you will think, that's not a big deal. YES IT IS! I worked HARD to get that off (and spent MONEY!!) and was 3 pounds from my 2nd BIGGEST goal! Plus those 10-12 pounds turn into 20 pounds then 30 pounds, you get the picture. It's easy to get caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle. It's easy to say no to ourselves but not to others. It's easy to give up! However, it's easier to have meals planned out and I mean every meal from breakfast to snack to dinner so that you don't eat crappy food. It's easy to make a protein shake when you are in a hurry or need that late night snack! When the fridge is full and the pantry is empty, it's EASIER! FRESH is the way to go! It's easy to walk or run with your kids. Trust me I get it, it's the last thing you want to do but you will be surprise how much they may like doing it with you. (However they may complain too. Not hearing impaired like me? Then put on your headphones and go. They will catch up to you or run around them till they get annoyed) It gets easier when you say NO to others and YES to yourself. Get up early, do your chores then so at night you can relax with your family. It's all about TIME MANAGEMENT, PLANNING and PREPARING! Now that the move is over (but the unpacking is beginning) and we live closer to EVERYTHING we are involved in or do, enough is enough. I am taking back my life and getting back on track!! Holidays, so what! Winter Break, screw that! Don't let life stop YOU from getting up and getting started. Who's in? Who's willing to hold me accountable? I will do the same for you :) Enough is Enough.... Lauren Tips: Meal Planning: *Plan your all 3 of your meals and your 2 snacks for Monday to Sunday. *Write them down, make a list of what you need and shop on Sunday (or Saturday). *Follow your plan! Workouts: *Schedule it on your calendar it's just as important as Dance classes, Dr appt, date night, etc.. *Schedule 30 mins (more if you are awesome!) 3-4 times a week *Don't just schedule gym on your to-do list or calendar put down excatly what you are going to be doing as far as the work out goes! *Change up your workouts, don't just do the treadmill. Find a boot camp to attend some are free and some are $$$. However they can be so worth it! *Find someone to walk with you or workout with you. Having that person make it's easier to go! Life: *Say NO to others. You don't need to fill up your calendar (I am guilty of this!) *Allow yourself to be treated once in a while. *Treat yourself to a reward when you complete your week. It can be something like a new sport bra or a new book. Or a nap. *Stay POSITIVE!! Changes take time. Life got busy and in the way, so I haven't been able to blog or do anything for that matter besides running kids here and there. And work. Sure I have had some down time but eating right and working out just wasn't on my mind. Being honest.
My husband travels for work, this isn't new for us. However, having him home for the last year and not working crazy hours, we liked! What's new for us is, this mama went back to work (part time!) and having 3 kids in activities! What was also new to us, mama being tired, cranky, and feeling crappy again. I knew it was time I stop with the excuses and get back on track. I have been watching folks do BeachBody for years. I have always been curious about BeachBody for longer then I can remember (before kids!). However, I was an Herbalife girl and I couldn't venture over to that side. Then a friend convince me, BeachBody was different. It's about the workouts, the support and not the supplements (even though they have supplements). However, I still struggle between me doing Herbalife and trying other things. Then I sucked it up after 7 weeks of playing tug of war with myself and ordered the 21 Day Fix kit. Why? I know how to eat, so why did I need these little colorful cubes to help me with this? The DVD, why? When I have a great local Boot Camp and trainers (Stephen and Claire Kelley), amazing trails to run on, a gym membership and 3 kids to chase after? I like the colorful cubes, it's easy for me to keep track of what I can eat and how much. It holds me accountable, I know silly! I also like the grocery list that it gives me. Its real and practical. I am pretty creative when it comes to what I can eat when I am given an list of of food that is OK and allowed. When someone just hands me a list with only chicken, broccoli, rice, oats and supplements, I tend to get bored and quit. The DVD, well I am not an HUGE fan of working out at home. With kids it can be a pain because they want to join in. Maybe I am selfish but my work out time is for me. However, every BeachBody workout I have done is AMAZING! Mainly I got it because I haven't had time to get with my trainer or attend BootCamp because of schedule conflicts. I haven't made it to the gym because well I have been lazy! The runs, the one thing I REALLY want to do, I can't. The kids make it HELL for me (and I am trying this new thing to not yell and get frustrated with them) and well running is my way to get out of HELL. Till I figure out how to run the DVD will be perfect for my early AM workouts along with working with my trainers again. Because the excuses need to stop. This past Monday, I made a goal to get my eating back on track. Nothing but that! It worked out perfect! Since Monday I have lost 2 pounds and getting my energy back. I am loving the 21 Day Fix cubes! I have had fun coming up with creative meals for lunch and dinner. I can't wait to share them all! The workouts, start tomorrow (Sunday am) as my kids are gone and I am going to go for a RUN! Since I am getting ready to train for an 1/2 marathon, I am looking forward to adding the DVD and The Kelley's back into my routine! Watch for updates... So why the 21 Day Fix, it also comes with a great coach and group too! I love doing something different, love that my confidence is coming back, I love that I can use my Herbalife products, I love that my 4 years old gets to help me pick what goes in my cubes (great teaching moment for her!) and love my energy that is coming back (as the kids I am sure are loving it too along with crabby lady that left with it). (want to be part of a great support group? message me at [email protected] and we can add you!) Selfies. Love them or hate them? Amuse or annoyed? Self-Centered? Confidence? Real or Fake? Selfies has become a popular term used this past year. How many selfies do you take till you find the "one"? What is your purpose for taking them? I was totally gross out and not at all confidence by taking selfies. I would find myself judging, picking and pointing out so many things about myself. After all you are your worst critic! Then something changed. I love seeing my results and transformation. Selfies became a scrapbook of my transformation. I stop picking on myself and praised myselff for working hard! I stop focusing on my teeth and focus on my arms (you would too if you never had muscles in your arms!). I started to like myself instead of being gross out. I stop pointing out what I needed to change and embraced my changes. Does that make me self-centered? You may think so, I don't! Do I post my selfies to get praised? Not really, I do it to inspire others to get up, get moving, to be comfortable and start loving yourself. Do I not like the attention selfies can caused, it's bonus when other see your changes, what human being (female especially) is going to say they don't want to be notice after all their hard work they put into getting fit and healthy?!? I challenge you to do more selfies (just don't be Kim Kardashian!) and embrace your changes. You will be amazing how far you come from Day 1! If you are on this journey you must know part of this weight lost, fitness and healthy thing is learning to love yourself and being comfortable in your own skin... Raise your hand if you deal with trying to be socially accepted by others?? Or what about being accepted by your significant other family? What about your own family? Heck, what about at church? As many of you know I'm hearing impaired (not deaf!) as well suffer from a blindness condition called Usher Sydrome. Both are not physical disabilities so if you didn't know me you wouldn't know. Well unless it's dark because I do look silly when not in my surroundings ;) but then again you might think I'm drunk! Most people who don't know me assume I'm a snob or stuck up (been called worst but we will keep it clean). Little do they not know; chances are I didn't hear them or I can't hear what's going on because it's a crowded room. Because of this I have always been not socially accepted. I am often misunderstood and I'm often having to prove myself. More then that I'm often found trying to please people so that I can be accepted. It's not healthy! I was never "popular" but yet everyone knew me! I was bullied a lot and many days I just wanted to end it all. However, my parents taught me to stand on my own to feet and push past it. To not be a coward! Was it easy? Heck NO! At some point I seni-accepted who I was and if people likes me = GREAT! If not oh well. However, who am I kidding I was still a people pleaser. It did more harm then good! Then I met my husband. He has a BiG family, no I'm sorry HUGE! Walking into that family is no easy task! 14 years later it still isn't. I don't fit in and don't belong. Now don't get me wrong I love the ones who have loved me for me :) The last 5 years have been rough for both of us with his family. Finally (because I'm still this girl who feels we/I should be accepted) put on my big girls pants and reached out. 3 weeks later no respond. Then I saw something on FB "if you ask someone something and they don't reply, there is your answer.", BAM! Then I turned 34 the next day... Why do I write this? Because turning 34 was tough and rough for me! I am getting older in numbers. I don't want to waste my time pleasing folks or trying to get accepted! It's not healthy, you lose sleep, you over eat, you under eat, over workout, raise your blood pressure, and the moods (or fights) are not worth it. I want to enter my 40's saying in my 30's I was carefree, free spirited, happy, accomplish what I was set out to do and enjoyed my friends and family I do have! Time is precious. Today, look at what's you are trying to get accepted in this thing we call life and see if it's worth it. Embrace what you can't change and move forward... 💋 |
AuthorHI! I am Lauren! A women full of beautiful mess. Join me as I share my mess and journey. Archives
July 2019
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