We woke up at 6 am with excitement in the air. LAST day on the road!! We all were in good moods and I actually felt like a person again ;) Did my hair and got dress up even :) Who does that on road trips?!? Boo tried to fight me with just wearing underwear down to breakfast and in the car. Breakfast, no. Car, that's fine. Better then being complexly naked like the last 2 days... We ate, loaded car, got gas, did bathroom breaks and took off. We had 5 hours still left to go. (BTW which was starting to become never ending it seems!) We were able to drive 3 hours with no fighting, no asking to stop and with peace! After 3 hours, we needed gas and food. Found a Mexican restaurant. Which BTW had the BEST salsa and chips! (and the NICEST people EVER) (One of the workers even asked if he could get my phone number. See what happens when you dress up?!?! I had to let him down and let him know I was married but I won't lie, felt nice even after 3 children acting like animals that someone wold even want to take me out LOL) (Don't lie, you would be flatter too!) Back on the road and kids passed out! (that carb loading thing I have been telling you about. Use it for your next road trip!) Windmills started popping up all over, I knew we were getting closer to what we would be calling "Home", Synder! Kids woke up and were excited to see Windmills again, this was home to them. All 3 of them, made my heart happy. That daddy line of work makes them feel like they are home. It took us down memory lane of OR/WA and some of our happiest times as a family. Finally, we reached our new home. Daddy flew into Lubbock (Which must be nice by the way!) and arrived the hotel the same time we did! We unloaded, kids played outside, got ourselves settled and took kids swimming. Nothing too exciting happened on Day 3. expect that the naked episode of Boo Bear was finally coming to an end!! Pants and her reunited! (Thank GOD!!) We are excited to be "Home" and can't wait to see what adventures are waiting for us!
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After a good couple of showers, sleep and a full FREE breakfast (fat and carb load again for the kids! Trust me it really works for them to fall a sleep in the car) (Don't worry it was semi healthy!) (All protein again for me, if you were wondering) we were ready to load car up and head out. We really were in an hurry as the storms were getting worst (Flash Floods Warnings and me don't mix). However, my 2 youngest (Boo and Punk (age 9) wanted to sit next to each other instead of the boxes I had put in the middle of them. (There is a reason for this! You'll see why!) I went back and forth on if I should let them sit next to each other. You see, these 2 have the tendency to touch each other, wrestle in the car and just be plain out LOUD and CRAZY. (It's cute for about 5 min but after that I could care less if they really love each other, I just want them to stop!). They keep pleading with me and promising me they would behave...The whole "Letting Go of Control" method was being tested on me and really felt like an joke from God. So I rearrange the car and let them be close by each other. The rest was history after 5 minutes... 2 hours later, we were finally out of FL!! We drove into Alabama! We were crusin along pretty good and thank GOD no bathroom breaks yet from Boo. However, the naked Boo was still around. She striped down before I even got into the driver seat when we left hotel. We were going to stop and play tourist at Spanish Fort, AL but the rain was starting to arrive so I made the judgement call to keep going, plus I really didn't want to bring the Potty issues back on Day 2. Nothing too exciting happen in AL. The kids passed out and it was a pretty quiet ride. I got to catch up with some friends (don't worry had my Bluetooth in) and listen to one of my favorite WOMEN Pastor Kathy Nelson sermon. (you can download it here, http://bluemountainchurch.com/sunday-worship/sermons/compassion-conspiracy-the-journey/) The only exciting thing that did happen is we got lost and I was over Boo and Punk loudness. So I had a not so good mama moment. Let just say, one kid was pulled over the front seat and force to sit next to me for the next 2 hours with nothing to do! And yelling was involved. (again not my proudest moment but hey! That's life!) We finally hit Mississippi, still no rain (Thank GOD) (Because I was already not in an good mood and was over being in the car). Since Boo did so well with not needing to stop at bathrooms and I felt I needed an time out, Chic-Fil-A was in order. Let me just tell you, my GPS has an mind of its own. Not only was there 3 Chic-Fil-A near where I was going, the GPS took me to 2 that were located in an College and the Mall! Doesn't my GPS know by now, I am a mom?!?! I need the REAL Chic-Fil-A, ones with Playgrounds so I CAN GET A FRICKEN BREAK! AND...I am not about to walk in the mall with 3 kids!!! Duh! Chic-Fil-A was exactly what we needed (By the way we got lost finding this one. Drove past 3 times before Boo pointed it out miles away down the road, grr. GET ME OUT OF THIS CAR!) The kids played and played. They were more exited about the kids in the play area because of their Southern Drawls and To Big for LIfe Hair Bows <3 I was happy with my book and Kale Salad that was a size of a Cat Food in an Can (which cost about $4.00). However we stayed for 2 hours, oops. We started back out. Boo got naked (left her shirt on this time), Punk got her Iphone (not activated btw) back and Pook (age 10) got her front seat back. Everyone passed out (Thank you Chic-Fil-A!!) and then the rain came! OMG!!! It was coming down so so hard. I was like the little old lady you want to run off the road. I could NOT see an DARN thing. Now remember I have Ushers (Usher Syndrome, Google it) so the fog, rain and I mean RAIN don't mix! Pook woke up and said "Mom, we have to get out of this. Like NOW.. And I have to pee!". Seriously, we just left Chic-Fil-A and now you have to pee and want me to pull off the road in the middle of this crazy storm in the middle of nowhere?!?! We found an exit, 1 hotel and 1 gas station. Lets just say it was like a scene from a scary movie. I was NOT checking in no hotel that looks like it belong in Bates Motel. I looked online for nearest hotel and there wasn't one for another 44 miles. No way were were sitting at this creepy gas station (Which I am sure the people inside were just super nice because it's Mississippi after all) but I wasn't staying. I told kids, well you want to see power of prayers?!? Start praying!! We got back on the road. I drove 25 MPH, almost got killed, got a lot of horn honkers and some middle finger wavers (I was about to have Boo play Mooner but then figured that's not proper parenting and I already screwed up a few post ahead by losing my mind so I put that thought away). Pook was in charge of radar and kept telling me it was only going to get worst. Then all of our phones (well the 2 of us lol and Boo tablet) started going off with Storm Warnings till midnight :0. GREAT!!! Next thing you know, the rain stop! STOP y'all!!! The kids were so excited to see their prayers work. Me I was so excited to relax my shoulders since they were up in my neck! By the miracle of GOD, the rain stayed away and it drizzle the rest of the way!! However, we were so close to the floods. It still amazes me that they never came up over the roads. We saw houses that had water up to their windows. Businesses that were under and we could only see their roofs. It was an real eye opening experience for the kids and myself. We enter Louisiana. Let me tell you, that state is one of an kind! We stop for bathroom break and met some VERY interesting folks! Then came out of the gas station and had a family offer us dinner. We didn't accept it but then got in the car and looked in the mirror and at the kids...OMG we looked AWFUL and homeless!! I am pretty sure they thought we were (they were parked next to us!). We laughed so hard. (I could have killed Pook for not telling me how BAD I looked. I forgot that I had taken my hair down to try and relax. It was not an pretty site and all 3 girls had knots in their hair LOL) The rain stayed at Bay so we kept going. Next thing you know the Sun was out and we were almost crossing into the Texas border. We saw the most beautiful sunset along with some more flooding on the side of the road. It really was an message from God letting us know there is beauty all around even during the storm. And that we are ok, we made it! We drove till 11 pm that night, something I don't do often but I was on an high (for making it though the nasty storm!) and kids were behaving. Kids were hungry and needed to use the bathroom so we made the decision to finally stop. Checked into hotel, order an pizza to have deliver and showered. Well not only did Boo have to be naked in the car but also in the hotels. Let just say, the pizza delivery guy may never deliver again ;) I had no clue she was standing behind me. He kept looking up the ceiling and laughing. Trying to get the food to me and credit card slip for me to sign. Of course, I was trying to figure out his problem. It wasn't till I close the door and turned around and saw my naked child standing there..... (sorry no pictures to show) Day 3 couldn't come sooner! It could only get better, right?!?!
We began our journey. Life as we know it has changed once again. We are an family of 5 heading on the road for the next 90+ days. We will be living out of hotels in various of states and cities. We don't know where we will go till probably a few days before we are set to venture out. Follow me as I continue my journey in my own personal weight lost struggles, messy life struggles and now as an "roadie"! Day 1, We were set to leave at 8 am. If you know me, I used to be on time but not really anymore. You can count on me being late. (Working on that BTW). However, I am trying to be more laid back and let go of control with these trips (TRYING, key word). I knew saying bye to my parents might be hard on the girls so I wanted to ease our way out the door and out of the state of FL. The Day started with my parents waking us up around 6:30 am to say bye. They were getting ready to head out to see friends. While saying bye is never easy it didn't go as bad as I thought it would. Maybe living with them since December just had a tad bit to do with it (and the fact we are going to be seeing them again in a few weeks). I needed to get my run in, so I took advantage of doing that. My run. Was more emotional then saying bye to my parents. CRAZY!! While running, I was reminded why we started our journey in FL and to face my failures again in the face was rough. Then to see how far I have come with my running and goals I have set and completed (failures went bye bye). I remember the day I laced up my shoes for my 1st real "train" run. I HATED it. Flash forward to today, I am actually ENJOYING my runs! I have come so far. I can run without doubting myself. I can actually run without stopping. So as I entered mile 2 and watched the sun come up, peace came at me. I have come to peace with my failures and falling forward towards them. I am sure it won't be the last time I fail at something. Now I know why God place FL and running into my life. (another post, someday I will get to it!) Kids played outside with neighbors (whom are also home-schooled) while I showered and packed up with rest of the car. We used our FREE PDQ and Chic-Fil-A coupons (Go School AWARDS! I applaud them this time (every kid gets one, you know the American way) I didn't have to pay for lunch at our 2 fav places!!). I had a protein shake and filled the kids up with carbs and fat (think road trip nap!). Then we were off! I75 here we come! My kids love to travel. Love car trips. THANK YOU LORD! But they don't always LOVE each OTHER ;) While I am not an fan of tablets/phones and was hoping we could pull them out on Day 2. Screw that! Pulled them out after 2 hours. They were bored with my "Lets See how many Sate Plates we can find" and "Let's Learn about the States we will be Driving thru" games! (Frankly so was I as I couldn't answer anymore questions) 3 hours of pure bliss! I had my headphones on with my music (as I drove) and they had their movies, games and youtube on. Just when I thought this ride was getting boring, Ms. Boo (each kid will have nicknames) (Boo Bear is our baby girl who's 5) thought it would be fun to go to the bathroom every other exit. Now of course, I wasn't going to stop every exit. But then...She kept peeing her pants. So I guess she really did have to go. We did this pretty much every hour on the hour. Ps, she hadn't had anything to drink since PDQ stop which was at 11.... On top of that, she hates anything wet on her clothing, seats, etc... So she insists being NAKED from head to toes, the whole car ride. Let me just tell you how FUN this was every time we had to stop! (yes I made her get dress before getting out of the car) (before I even got back in the car, she was undress!) (We did this for 3 days....Stay tune for more on this) (again, my laid back and let go of control theory...) We knew we were heading into some bad weather. We were moving along pretty good and almost to Alabama (my goal). We stop to get some coolant for the car (Thanks to the hubby who forgot to do this), stopped to grab dinner at Wendy's (who screwed up our entire order but this "Laid Back and Letting Go of Control Mama" let it go) (I had an protein shake BTW) set back out to the HWY to POURING rain. I drove for 15 mins and made the call to pull over (plus Boo naked ways got burnt from her FABULOUS dinner) (After 10 min of kicking the back of my seat because you know it was my fault and I had to feel her pain) we were DONE! Checked into our hotel. Kids jumped on beds for 30 mins (Letting go...) Boo went to the bathroom 20 times in 45 mins. Used all the Toilet Paper. Changed her PJ 3 times. Then ended up naked, head to toes. Then passed out on me since you know the bed had an whole side for her but...(embracing she needs me because of this whole change deal) Other 2, showered, face-time (gma and neighbor) and passed out together. Myself, I looked like DEATH. Being Laid Back and Letting Go of Control is hard work LOL!! So Day 1, I had 1 major meltdown myself, we all survive Boo's bathroom trips and naked self, and the other 2 learned to love each other by sitting NOT by each other (and losing their electronics). Life. It sure can be funny. Sad. Stupid. Dark. Ugly. Fun. Lately, it's been full of up and downs. Heck, it always has been full of up and down. One thing about Life lately, it not REAL. People are putting on their mask. Hiding behind their LIFE. Why? We all have messes. We all have bad days. Good days too. But yet we can't be real about them. If we share our Good Days, we are bragging. If we share our bad days, we are getting to personal or people assume we are looking for attention. Share our frustrations, we are looking for help or hand outs. If we share our sadness, we are told we need to seek help (heaven forbid if we have a day we cry and feel sorry for our-self!) If we share anything, we are being judge. Drives me crazy. I am real. Ask me anything, I'll be honest about it. Some call it a Flaw others call it an Gift. My mission in life, is to be as real as I can. You get what you get with me. For years, I was hiding under a rock. So worried about what others thought of me (still do care by the way) but then I realize, being real connects you with REAL RAW people and relationship. Does that mean I air out my life 24/7, no! Does that mean I am perfect, NO! The one thing about doing life Real, you must do it with REAL people and people who are in life with you. Not against you. We need to stop pleasing people and just be with people. This week I have shared some pretty personal stories with with my small groups and some personal feelings with some friends. Was it easy. No but so worth it. Now if they want to go behind my back and share my stories and feelings, so be it. At least I was honest not with just them but with myself. We need to stop hiding behind our mask. Come out of the dark. Live life. Have fun. Connect. I even shared an post this week on FB that was probably one of the hardest thing to share. Asking for help. It seems so easy to ask for help but I think you would agree it's one of the hardest things to ask for and to accept. We often feel weak or feel like we are failing when we ask and receive. Or feel as if we are being judge. How can we change that? How can we be more real in life? I wish I had the answers. I don't. I am not perfect. I don't pretend. Maybe we all just need to do that. Be you. Be REAL. We are heading to Texas!! My little family could not be more excited! For the past year, Texas has shown up everywhere. On our TV, Cars in front of us, People we've been meeting, in Books that I have been reading, and mail that we have been getting. I kept saying, what if this is a sign?!?! We got the call that Dave was being direct hire finally. But we will have to travel for a bit. !st stop is Texas!!! Even tho, we are going to a really small town, we are looking forward to exploring and seeing that Texas has to offer. We will be in Snyder, TX for just a week during training. I don't know where we will end up next. While we have been dreaming of having our own home again, we will have to wait. Hotel living for a little bit. This journey has taught us so much. Mostly how to live simple. I can honestly say I don't miss 1/2 of the stuff in my POD. While yes, I am dreaming of craft work I want to get back to (like building my farm table for the kitchen, book shelves, and the kids beds), I will just have to keep dreaming and plan big ;) For now, I am enjoying being outdoors with my girls, checking out what is around us and making memories. Florida has been an ride. We are ready to go but sad to be leaving behind what we've picked up along the ride. And family. BUT we will be back to visit. A LOT! Stay turn as this blog will take some twist and turns on our beautiful messy life. I have some big projects in works and can't wait to share them with y'all! xoxo Race is done! Since September I have spent my days running and getting up early on Saturday mornings for long runs. I remember when I started back in September, how much I hated my long runs which were like 5 miles! Come December, that changed to 22 miles. I am not a runner by any means! I actually suck at it. I don't actually run through the whole training or race, truth to be told.
The whole thing still seams like a blur to me! From signing up to crossing that finish line. Back in May my dad was extremely ill in the hospital. We thought for sure he was going to not make it. If you know me then you know I am a true and blue Daddy's Girl (pretty proud of it too!). Well my dad said I wouldn't be able to cross that finish line, low and behold I signed up right there. 8 months later, I CROSS that line! With my dad standing there watching me!! I was going to blog about my race since it's still fresh in my head but lets face it, 26.2 miles is always going to be fresh in your head! :) I will blog about it because as you all know there is always a story with the Russell's gang! ;) I just can't yet. I am still wrapping my head around it all and my heart. Every race I have ran has been emotional and has a personal story behind it. (again saving for the next blog). 2015 was one of the most emotional year for me EVER. However, the 2 weeks leading up to the race was one of the most emotional and toughest weeks. Couldn't had come at the worst time. Or maybe the best time... Now that my race is over, everyone is asking what's next? When do you leave? When does "Kruszin with the Krusz" start? Well....Our story has changed a bit. Dave is home. In fact he's been home for 2 weeks today. Dave was laid off from his employment. What does that mean? We are not leaving. At least not yet. We have NO clue what's next. We just know to make it through the day. Keep things normal for the kids. And to keep living at my parents house (which I am sure they are just jumping for joy, NOT!!). Does that mean we are staying in FL? Not sure. We are however thankful that we have a home to stay in and family around to help us! (I will spare you the up close and personal stories of how it's really going but you can use your imagination (Like Barney would want you to!)) So...What's next? Guess you get to wait and see :) I am sure there will be surprises and more RUNS in between. Already looking to do an 1/2 marathon ;) Last night I wrote this blog over and over. Then deleted it. Figured I should put in my journal instead, share later. Something about writing with pen and paper before bed and waking up knowing it's all said and done. Move on. I wasn't going to share because I didn't want it to look like I was feeling sorry for myself because really I wasn't. I was more shocked and surprise that people say the things they say, 35 years in I am still shock when someone has something to say about my hearing impairment (If that what we are calling it.). However, today. I had a rough monring (yet again) with my middle child. G. That's what we call her. Another morning, of counting to 30, another morning crying on the way to school (me not her), another morning, cring after drop off and another morning wondering what I can do to not have these types of mornings. However, this morning was different as I was standing in the door way, wondering is this how my parents felt in the morning or night with us, because of our differences? Did my mom feel this way? Did my dad cry? Is this how other mothers feel with a child that has special needs? See last night, someone asked me (this is where the shock comes in) how I could parent being that I am hearing impaired and suffer from a blindness condition? This is not the first time, I've heard this. I actually had a doctor while I was expecting H suggest I abort her so that my child didn't have to suffer from my disabilities (again, if that what you call it). (Needless to say we left the Dr office right there) or (in his words) pass it down to her. That it wasn't a life worth living for. So last night when I was asked this, it's like the wind being knocked out of you. Don't get me wrong. I had a good life. It may have been not always easy but then again who's life is easy. I am bless to have parents who treated us no different and made sure we didn't walk around thinking we were. Even when others don't always see that. Then this morning happen. My daughter. My sweet tender heart middle child. Life hasn't always been easy for her. She suffers from extreme anxiety and learning disabilities. Among some other things. We don't share her story often because we are just starting to unfold it. I look at her and wonder, are our days always going to be like this? Will she be asked the same questions I was ask? Have to push past some ugly things like I did? Will I have to fight like my parents did for us? How do I teach her to stand up and be strong, when I can barely do it myself these days. How do I give her the life, where she can later say 'I was bless to have a good life even tho it wasn't always easy because of my parents." After drop off, that women voice from last night echo in my head. I didn't have an answer last night (I just smiled and got interrupted by H) but this morning I wish I could go back and tell her: I am no different then you..
I am sure you look at yourself in the mirror wondering what you could change about yourself. Your looks Your body. I am sure you yell at your kids just like me. I am sure you cry with them when they are hurting. I am sure some days you are counting down the minute till bedtime. I am sure you've made PB & J sandwiches just because you didn't want to cook dinner. I am sure you secretly enjoy sick days because your child wants to do nothing but cuddle. Only different between you and I.... I understand my kid hurt and pain a little bit more because I am living it. I can turn my hearing aid off and block out the cries and yelling. I bump into things, step on my kids, bump their heads but they always forgive me and we laugh often about it. I can teach them how to have compassion for EVERYONE. To be EVERYONE friend. I can teach them what forgiveness looks like. I can teach my kids that we are not created equally and we are all unique. Love others, treat people with kindness despite their faults and differences. I can teach my girls despite our differences you can do ANYTHING you want to do NO MATTER what! That includes parenting.... No we are not expecting!!
How much can one fit into a box? If you were told, pack lightly and make it last 6 months, could you? Would you? What would you pack? What if it was for you plus 4 others? Many of you been asking!! Where are you going? Are you moving? Where? When? With Dave? New jobs? Yes we are moving!!! Bye Bye FLORIDA!! Hello ROADS!! That is right, we Kruszewski's are taking on the US Roads with Davey! What? Why? When? How? Dave travels for work. Florida does not have what we are looking for (beside my family). We decided to travel for a bit with D. Homeschool the kids. Build up our family again, explore, live out an adventure and see where the roads (God) takes us!! We hope to settle down by June/July 2016 in Michigan (if thats where God wants us)! For now, we are living each moment as is! Girls and I are moving in with my folks till Jan. So I can complete my marathon and finish out 2nd Qtr of school. Then we will join D. Are we nuts? Insane? Crazy? Scared? Excited? Sad? You bet!!! You may not agree with us and thats ok. This is our story and for us to unfold. You get to sit back and watch (or read)! We just ask for you to wish us well and pray!! We have so many exciting things to share and unfold to y'all but you are going to have to stay tune as I have to get back to packing!! BUT to stay in touch be sure to check out our new You Tube Channel (one of the girls homeschooling projects) (However whole family will be in on it!) and our Instagram page!! KruszinWithTheKrusz There you have it! Our lives will be packed up in 1 box (Pods) and our road lives will be packed up in 1 box (well a few bins). What will we take? What will we lose? What will we gain? What can we fit into our box these next 6 months? **This isn't directed towards anyone nor do I tend to make anyone feel like I am making fun of them. I don't do bullies. These are just my random thoughts. In hope they will make you smile, laugh, (cry maybe) and know what goes on in my little (or big) head. (And know you are not alone in these same thoughts. Because I know other people think the same thing) (don't lie)**
When out running the other day I notice a lot of other runners. Do you ever notice that? I mean it was hot and I thought for sure nobody else would be out there! You see in Lakewood Ranch, that's not the case, there are are always runners (walkers too)...And Bikers (back to them in a bit). I know I can't be the only one out there that looks at these other runners and think crazy stuff?!!? Am I? Lets talk about all those different type of runners!! The Perky Runner: She jumps out of bed, has her "perfect" outfit, "perfect" hair, "perfect" shoes, and I am sure she has the "perfect" playlist. Her ponytail is to die for! (Seriously, it's like all pulled back nice and slick. Gasp, it's even the same length at the bottom, you know straight edge!) She just runs runs runs and makes running look FUN. Oh and she has the PERFECT body! Another things, she's ALWAYS smiling. (Please, just keep running. I am dying at the moment and can't even bear to give you my perfect smile) (BTW, she's started at the same time as me. Then past me again when I was at mile 1, pretty sure she won!) She has a bounce to her when she runs and I am pretty sure she ate a whole package of Beans (if you don't know what theses are, I am sorry! They are yummy Jelly Beans (that cost a lot of money) but give you energy during your longest run) and she drank some amazing energy drink. Then she will go home and juice. And be even more perky! The Mom Runner: Not the one with the single jogging stroller. Nope, she has the double stroller. She's almost just like the Perky Runner mention above. However, her hair isn't perfect but it's not a hot mess either. She has the biggest smile. We all know why, a break from the kids!! Then if it's hot enough, it will wear them out so they will passed out at home for a nice little nap! (don't lie!!) Even while pushing that double stroller (which is like pushing a car btw) she still passes me and waves. (Please shoot me now! I dealt with Perky now I get passed by a double stroller. Which weighs just about as much as I do!). She also got up before I did I am sure to drink coffee, eat breakfast, whip up a smoothie for her cute little kids in that stroller (plus pack them a snack), did an energy shot and still manage to look better then I did (and I have no kids to get ready for my run). She passes me again as I enter mile 2 and she's entering mile 5. And is almost done.) Senior Guy: You know the guy who runs leaning forward as if he's going to fall and pass out (which according to the guy at the running store, that's how you are to run)? Yup, he passes me too. Waves and doesn't fail to say it's a beautiful morning (What?!?! It's like 90 degrees out and 115% humidity. The only thing beautiful is the breakfast I am about to have with my friend and her son at the end of this run!). These guys are true motivator. Truth be told, we played a little game for a mile. I passed, he passed, I passed, and he took off! It was good while it last and I had fun. He even gave me an high five! (I felt proud for a few min then I thought, geez should had just slapped me in the face! I should be kicking your ass!) (But he was cute so I played nice! Then told myself, he's prob. been in the army and had been running for years!) (Just let me think those thoughts please!) The 2 Senior Ladies: They are all dress up. Carrying their water bottles and towels. They are super duper cute! Finally, walkers! I can rush passed them and feel like I am winning!! You can smell their perfume as you get closer to them. However, they take up the whole darn sidewalk. Then look back at you, give this nasty look. (Like, what are you doing on our sidewalk?!?!) (Excuse me, I am having a moment, maybe you can move out of my way?!?!) Then they don't move. You have to run on the grass around them. (Lucky they are older. My mama always told me to be nice to those who are older then you) Then I turn around, give them the look and they smile! GRRR Smile on while you get your morning gossip on! (I hope the sprinklers turn on and get your Monday hairdo wet!!) Then....The Biker: Now, we have bike lanes here. I was told you can't run on them. The bikers will hate you. I don't need that. Therefore, I stick to my sidewalks. So they should stick their bike lanes, right?!?! I am feeling all proud after playing keep up with the Senior Guy (We passed each other again). All the sudden I feel something on my leg. Next thing you know, I am tripping. A FRICKEN biker ran ME OVER!!!! (Of course, i was breaking the rules and running with headphones on (Ohhh trouble!) and didn't hear him! Oh and I am hearing impaired too! I wouldn't had heard him anyways!) (So of course he's yelling it's my fault!) Excuse me?!?!?! You have your own lane!! Why are you not using it?!?! I can't believe he actually ran me over?! I mean who does that?!?! Do you think, he asked if I was OK? NO!! He just kept yelling and going forward!! JERK! Now I understand the love hate relationship between runners and bikers. (I still love my biking friends but if you run someone over, we are done!) You stay in your lanes and I will stay in mine! Fair game!! There are many more "types" but on this run those are the ones who stayed with me. I am sure they are all nice and struggling just like me in some way. Or maybe not since because I am pretty sure I am the only one who got ran over by a bike! **That day I broke my fastest mile (Thanks to Senior Guy) and broke my PR for fastest 5k (Thank to my friend Ashley who I was rushing to meet so she wouldn't think I stood her up!)!!** I am pretty sure we all struggle with who we are and who we are to be. I am a prime example of this. (Face it you are too) These past few months I have been helping a friend out with her weight lost/health journey. Little did she know she's been helping me. She is who I was many years ago. Along this journey with her, I am still mending to mine own journey. You can lose 100 pounds but still feel like that girl who was 100 pounds. I struggle daily not only with outside appearance but inside as well. This journey is not only to shed pounds but layers of skin aka inside pain. I've started training for my very first marathon. Oh man, I hate (HATE) running!!! However, it's been great therapy for me (and lets face it my booty is looking better daily, ha!!). My husband has been traveling for a year now. I won't lie, it's been challenging! It's been an ugly year. Dealing with some things with the kids, our marriage, regrets, guilt, and of course being lonely. I fell into an deep depression this Spring between my dad getting sick to spending time away on family vacation to coming back here in FL feeling like my world had fallen apart. Back in May, I had signed up for the Disney Run that is schedule for Jan. 2016. I knew I had no choice to start training, which has saved my life. While running you have A LOT of time to think (blah!). Often times, I would run and think: I can't do this I am not going to be able to complete 26.2 miles Why did I do the things I have done Why do I yell so much at my kids Where is my life going Who am I Are the kids happy What are we doing Is this marriage going to last What's next How am I going to cook, clean, and get everything done before kids get home Where are we going to live, do we travel with him, etc... Why did I make the mistakes I've made in my life Why can't I let things go Why is it easier for me to encourage someone else but not myself Why did God choose me to be these girls moms What can I do for the kids to make them happier, healthier, and love themselves Why can't Helena just sit down ;) Why does my almost 10 years old have to hit preteen so early Why does my middle one feel like she's not beautiful Then of course, God, Faith, Church... The list goes on and on.... Then this song comes on: Flawless by Mercy Me Things I have been telling my friend while she's on this journey. She's Flawless! You are who you are. Stop comparing yourself or your journey to others. It's your story. God story. You are meant to be imperfect. Nothing we do is going to change that. We are all a mess. We all have something going on, something we want to change, something we've done that we have regret. Until you let that go then nothing will change within you. That's when I knew, God was right there. He was telling me, so what about the bumps, the bruises, the scars, YOU ARE FLAWLESS in my eyes. Leave it at the cross and let me handle it. "Take a breath smile and say Right here right now I’m ok Because the cross was enough" As I start my run or my workouts, I play this song to remind myself, I am FLAWLESS. It's OK, I don't need to be fast, perfect, or tough. I play this song again as I get ready for the day. I don't need to have makeup on to workout (well maybe mascara, I can't just leave it behind), I don't have to worry about what others are going to think of me or my kids, and I don't have to worry about explaining myself to anyone. My bumps, my bruises and my scars are mine. They are a reminder of my journey and where I am going. They are also a reminder that I am a child of God. I am FLAWLESS and so are you! "No matter what they say
Or what you think you are The day you called His name He made you flawless He made you flawless No matter the bumps No matter the bruises No matter the scars Still the truth is The cross has made The cross has made you flawless" http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/mercyme/flawless.html |
AuthorHI! I am Lauren! A women full of beautiful mess. Join me as I share my mess and journey. Archives
July 2019
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